Searching for LIFE

Here I am again disregarding myself and self imposed safety just to ignite reformation haissst I'm too addicted to this kind of self setup I tried to live in total safety but it does not really fits the ravaging lion inside of me who wants to take over when my cage is too small I'm pushed to the heights I can only long for the lows my only comfort is when pain and happiness mixed and I felt pleasure besides my feelings is fleeting and my memory fades easily: and recovers unscathed... It's thrilling... Fear and Excitement that shakes my core being, it won't be satisfied 'till I saw bloodshed...

 I just really want to plan what I could do before I leave this World... I'm not depressive I just don't want to suffer too much when I get old. I plan what I could do to make my life worthwhile but not focused too much in money. I loved many people but never learned to love myself. I see myself as a resource material to be molded, regulated, controlled and disposed.

I'm frustrated of myself because I could not keep my cool and my real attitude slip on my mask. I tried to be patient but I could not maintain composure my rough attitude still shown. I just could not conceal it specially under pressure and beyond exhaustion. I wish I could do better.